Fun Tax Quotes

Taxes aren’t fun, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t have a smile on your face. Below are quotes with a tax theme that may give you a little laugh:

“The point to remember is that what the government gives it must first take away.” – John S. Coleman

“If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year with it in your pockets, and all that don’t get wet you can keep.” – Will Rogers

“I owe the government $3,400 in taxes. So I sent them two hammers and a toilet seat.” – Michael McShane

“When there’s a single thief, it’s robbery. When there are a thousand thieves, it’s taxation.” – Vanya Cohen

“The hardest thing in the world to understand is the Income Tax.” – Albert Einstein

“Taxation with representation ain’t so hot either.” – Gerald Barzan

“Philosophy teaches a man that he can’t take it with him; taxes teach him he can’t leave it behind either.” – Mignon McLaughlin

” I’m proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is, I could be just as proud for half the money.” – Arthur Godfrey

“The best things in life are free, but sooner or later the government will find a way to tax them.” – anonymous

“It’s about ten times the size of the Bible – and unlike the Bible, contains no good news.” – Don Nickles, about the Internal Revenue Code

“The taxpayer – that’s someone who works for the federal government but doesn’t have to take the civil service examination.” – Ronald Reagan

“The government deficit is the difference between the amount of money the government spends and the amount it has the nerve to collect.” – Sam Ewing

“Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages.” – H.L. Mencken

“Our tax code is so long it makes War and Peace seem breezy.” – Steven LaTourette

“Worried about an IRS audit? Avoid what’s called a red flag. That’s something the IRS always looks for. For example, say you have some money left in your bank account after paying taxes. That’s a red flag.” – Jay Leno

“There is an ancient belief that the gods love the obscure and hate the obvious. Without the benefit of divinity, modern men of similar persuasion draft provisions of the Internal Revenue Code.” – Martin D. Ginsburg

“The nation should have a tax system that looks like someone designed it on purpose.” – William Simon

“If the IRS took 100 taxpayers at random and sent each an incorrect notice that they owed an extra $92.35 in taxes and interest, more than two-thirds would probably just send in a check without investigating further.” – G. Guttman

“Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors… and miss.” – Robert Heinlein

“You must pay taxes. But there’s no law that says you gotta leave a tip.” Former Morgan Stanley Advertisement

“Day in and day out, your tax accountant can make or lose you more money than any single person in your life, with the possible exception of your kids.” – Harvey Mackay

“Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?” – Peg Bracken

“Next to being shot at and missed, nothing is really quite as satisfying as an income tax refund.” – F.J. Raymond

“On my income tax 1040 it says ‘Check this box if you are blind.’ I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away.” – Tom Lehrer

“We have long had death and taxes as the two standards of inevitability. But there are those who believe that death is the preferable of the two. “At least,” as one man said, “there’s one advantage about death; it doesn’t get worse every time Congress meets.” – Erwin N. Griswold

“If you get up early, work late, and pay your taxes, you will get ahead — if you strike oil.” – J. Paul Getty

“All the Congress, all the accountants and tax lawyers, all the judges, and a convention of wizards all cannot tell for sure what the income tax law says.” – Walter B. Wriston

“Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today.” – Herman Wouk

“There’s nothing wrong with the younger generation that becoming taxpayers won’t cure.” – Dan Bennett

“What’s the difference between a tax auditor and a rottweiler? A rottweiler eventually let’s go.” – anonymous

“Did you ever notice that when you put the words “The” and “IRS” together, it spells ‘THEIRS?'” – anonymous

“There may be liberty and justice for all, but there are tax breaks only for some.” – Martin A. Sullivan

“Taxes grow without rain.” – Jewish Proverb

“Taxes: Of life’s two certainties, the only one for which you can get an automatic extension.” – anonymous

“A fine is a tax for doing something wrong. A tax is a fine for doing something right.” – anonymous

“I love America, but I can’t spend the whole year here. I can’t afford the taxes.” – Mick Jagger

“People who complain about paying their income tax can be divided into two types: men and women.” – anonymous

“What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.” – Mark Twain

“Today, it takes more brains and effort to make out the income-tax form than it does to make the income.” – Alfred E. Neuman

“The income tax created more criminals than any other single act of government.” – Barry Goldwater

“It’s income tax time again, Americans: time to gather up those receipts, get out those tax forms, sharpen up that pencil, and stab yourself in the aorta.” – Dave Barry

“A person doesn’t know how much he has to be thankful for until he has to pay taxes on it.” – anonymous

“I can give you 1040 good reasons why I hate the government.” – Terri Guillemets